Turning Past Regrets into a God-Given Mission

Transcript

welcome to the Shameless podcast where I help Christian men kill shame stand strong and live on Mission I'm your host Ken play and I'm bringing you real stories practical insights and biblical truths that equip you to break free from your sin shame and live a life of purpose let's step out of the Shadows together and Into the Light of Christ welcome back everyone to another great episode today I have with us Dustin Ally the founder of men after God and today's topic is about turning past regrets into a god-given mission but before we jump into that Dustin you need to tell us something what was your claim to fame before coming to Christ oh man okay so you know I've got that interesting story where I came to Christ as a child and then really kind of started following the Lord in my late 20s uh but man during High School I did a lot of stuff a lot of dumb stuff I I grew up in the Johnny Knoxville Bam Margera and steo era and man we did some really dumb things skateboarding and partying and all this but one of the funniest things like to share with people because I'm really a trophy of God's grace I was at a party one night and we are doing what teenagers do at parties uh there was alcohol and drugs around and things and I wasn't really into the hard stuff but this night I've got some guys who were in a car out in the field because that's how we partied in Northeast Tennessee and he's out in the field he's in the car and he's got what appears to be a bowl in his hands and I knock on the door because I I wanted to take a hit of it I I start taking a hit of it and the next thing I know he looks up at me and says hey I I didn't know you smoked crack and I said me either and I gave it back to him and so you know that's I get claim to fame I don't know but that's that's my like where I was whenever I was away from the Lord I was in that environment doing those sorts of things where that could have become a regular part of my life and so that is not not where I recommend anybody to be but by God's grace he brought me out of it dude I remember when you shared that story with me we were dying cuz you were just like I mean we were deep into your story and you just randomly threw that in there but it's just so crazy how God randomly just awakens our hearts to greater things right cuz if it wasn't you're like I was accidentally smoking crack what if and you could just kept doing it it could have absolutely because I've Got Friends that after I left for the Marine Corps they were 100% in and out of jail drugs I mean very I have a buddy who had a motorcycle accident I where I don't know if he was under the influence or not I wouldn't surprise him if he was but he either almost lost his leg or lost his leg uh I haven't seen him in years I just heard this through the grape vine if you will but check fraud drug charges uh just you name it that these were the people that were in my wedding party and that's where we were and it was we didn't know how bad it was until now looking back and seeing what God really brought us out of you know man it's interesting how you say that right because when you're in it you don't realize how bad it like you kind of know like hey I should probably stop doing this but then once you're removed completely you're like oh my gosh if it wasn't for the grace of God I would be dead or completely in shambles or and ruined absolutely there's phrase for it I'm trying to recall it right now but it's um functional dysfunction we get so accustomed to living in the dysfunctional lifestyle that it just becomes normal to us and so growing up in the type of home we've been in where it could have been traumatic or being around that type of environment where drug and alcohol abuse we're running rampant along with everything that comes with it it's just functional dysfunction uh it isn't until you truly are able to separate and get you know a god-sized view of it all to go oh wow that that's not how things should be going yeah okay so we're talking a lot about the dysfunction right walk us through a little bit of your dysfunction and just really before coming to Christ and really surrendering your story that led to you struggling with addiction struggling with lust and and your marriage absolutely man so okay I grew up what I affectionately call Backwoods Baptist and these are people that loved Jesus they followed him his best as they could uh it was just was it for me if you will and about my parents got divorced between first and second grade my dad was a drug addict and alcoholic and uh you know my claim to fame there if you like I've watched him scrape morphine off of a patch so that he could get the hi from it uh number of things there in my book first chapter from history to his story I talk about where my dad uh one night was under the influence of something and ended up with a revolver I was on the business Cent a revolver and my dad was on the other side it it was just a rough night so that was kind of my upbringing up until the teen years and whenever I got was able to get a car and get a job and get away get out and that was where I ran into that um skateboarding subculture if you will drugs alcohol women and I had a lot of fun at least that's what I called it at the time and I dismissed God at 13 years old because of evolution I wasn't getting the answers my church was telling me the Bible says it we believe it that's it I'm like well sorry you're a profess Country Bumpkin and that guy's got a PhD so I'm going to go follow him and I really look towards Academia at that point and it wasn't until I was in oh yeah my wife okay so we got married junior year of high school and you mentioned Addiction in fifth grade I discovered scrambled channel 99 on our bunny years back in the country of Northeast Tennessee and then seventh grade I got a computer in my room with no filters no monitoring nothing gosh I'm sure you were just reading Bible stories the whole time absolutely praying fasting brother that was it and uh but yeah it was it was a bad idea parents if you're listening don't do this uh my parents were computer illiterate for the most part and I was in seventh grade learning it all and learning everything I could possibly do and if you if you think of it I did it I found it I looked at it I downloaded it uh and it didn't help that when Kaza and Pirate Bay and the lime wire and all that stuff came out it just became even more easily access accessible and we're speaking specifically just pornography uh and that that really impacted me for a number of years and again as we said like looking back I didn't see the impact but I do now and so I met my wife junior year of high school uh we dated for two years got married December of 2006 we just celebrated 18 years and those first few years of our marriage we called him 18th it was like high school with money uh and able to buy alcohol we had a bunch of friends we had a bunch of parties and we were and then our relationship suffered because I had this porn addiction had this idea of what intimacy was and it was obviously completely and utterly skewed um because you know nobody had ever talk to me about that type of stuff the closest I ever got to a talk was my mom looked over at me one day when I was skipping school which again just whole bunch of stories within a story here uh and said to me hey when you're uh you know you got N I got it Mom protection we're good solid and that was my talk like that was what I got and so pretty much that was it that was all I we're done and so by that point I was already active and it just was what it was but no it it prevented me from being able to truly appreciate my wife and love her the way that a a husband should uh I tell her I don't think I learned to be a husband until we were married for five to seven years because I was just so young and dumb but by God Grace uh getting a part of an amazing church out in yum Arizona had some great mentors and just really grew in the Lord and can still grow into this day I went decent at being a husband now I'm trying to figure out how to be a dad and that's a whole other story in and of itself so walk us through you know you guys were married early really early she was 18 so and then you were addicted to pornography and a bunch of other dumb stuff that you were doing right how did that affect her like what did that look like cuz you were treating her a certain way I'm just curious how did that affect her yeah you know we've talked about this some and I don't know again at the time if she would have said that's that's what was impacting her I think it because of how it impacted my ability to truly love and know her I think again it was just we were so young and we both had terrible upbringings no idea what a marriage should be like so when we talk now there's still some conversations we have where I have to remind her of like hey it's been gosh 13 14 15 years now since I've viewed pornography yeah and you know so praise God by the way yeah amen and it's been and it was it was really a um by again by the grace of God it was it wasn't you mentioned addiction like it was something that I would tell you I watched and took part in I don't know if i' said I was addicted because I was able to just kind of cut it off again by the grace of God but but yeah so how it impacted her I think we're still discovering that and we've been married 18 years and it's as we have some conversations and look back on and talk about and I don't you know she's never been one to throw it up in my face or anything of that nature and we just have respectful conversations as we're continuing to grow in our marriage and if it comes up I I have to own it like it is something I it is something that impacted her and so I I do I just think it really inhibited the ability for us to connect early on and enjoy a marriage for what it what it is versus you know roommates that would have been a great way to describe us for the first four or five years was as roommates okay so you were roommates doing dumb stuff and she had her own issues right what was the Turning Point like you mentioned you started going to a Bible St like what change that you started to say man I need God and we need to turn this ship around cuz it's not going anywhere good yeah let's see if I can shorten this I went to Afghanistan in 2012 and a staff sergeant that I was turning over with uh started talking to me about the Lord and I was doing everything I could to push back against him and during my seven and a half months there after he left I was in a tower for 12 hours alone at night I had computer access because we needed it for what we did and I was able to watch movies and do different things that nature and through that time I realized I had dismissed Christianity without really checking it out for myself I came back from that deployment we started going to church and I went to a men's bible study that first Monday night after we went to church my wife was shocked and kind of so was I but God used that and some men there to really just pour into me love me and show me that Christianity was so much more than what I had diminished it to of a small country church in northeast excuse me from there I don't know if there was this light bulb moment as much as it was slow sanctification the pornography use ended pretty abruptly coming back from the deployment and then you know I would I would drink and stuff then and again that's a discussion for another day but like I haven't had a drink I think since early 2013 yeah I I yeah she brought me I remember it she brought me Jack Daniels Tennessee whiskey or Tennessee Honey the Honey whiskey it was new and came out and she brought me a drink of it I remember that and I hadn't had a drink from then until you know many years later and so it was it it was just a slow sanctification I guess of God convicted me and working and and then but that was in 2012 early 2013 stopped that but at the fall of 2013 I surrendered to Ministry that was October December I preached my first message um I denied orders 2015 uh I came on staff at a church 2019 I was a lead pastor at a church so again it was a slow process there in the beginning but within within six months of coming back to the Lord and being discipled I was free and clear of all pornography and you know I I hadn't done drugs in years because I was in the Marine Corps and we always got tested and stuff for that and then alcohol as well and so yeah there wasn't a like you know Snap My Fingers I'm done it was just God working through men investing in me and me hearing his word and understanding it more you know Dustin what I love about that story is you know sometimes we feel like it has to be instantaneously right or that all of a sudden why am I still struggling with X Y or Z or my favorite is actually when a new person comes to Christ and sometimes Christians like think that they're supposed to that new person is supposed to be perfect like why are they still struggling with this why are they doing this right like you see this when celebrities like start to come to Christ they're like well this person doesn't believe XY orz it's like man it takes years sometime for for you to get Sanctified right and it's like this slow process and you had those people around you I did and you know you mentioned celebrities I think a cat Von D is the first one that comes to mind when she professed faith in Christianity and then you saw people coming after her because of her tattoos and things like yeah yeah that was who she was and then she starts getting covered up in things and still there's a sect of Christian ity that is just being vile and and hateful and then that stuff doesn't have any place in Christianity in the gospel that is not what the truth of the Bible speaks of like send me your you know what I don't it's a quote from it's not from the Bible but I mean give me the broken give me the tatted give me the drug addicts give me the strippers give me the porn stars let's get those people in church let's get them the gospel in fact let's not get them in church let's go to them and share the gospel with them because they're the ones that Jesus came to save not the righteous he came to save the unrighteous and when someone comes and they're all tatted up and things like that praise God for them man again by the grace of God I don't have various tattoos all over me that say really really bad things because I was in the Marine Corps and that was a common thing and that's something that I think is very important for us to remember whether we are the ones like me that was a prodal and went away from the Lord and lived a life and came back or were someone who grew up in church grew up in the faith and stayed faithful to Christ the whole time we're all by the we are all one foot on a banana pill away from falling into sin and it's by God's grace and his grace alone that we're not now of course I I do believe in Free Will and the choices that we make but it it is wrong for us to ever think that because of how someone looks something they've done they are worse than they than we are we're better than them in some way and so sorry that's my St box no no I I I'm 100% with you man because I think about you know going back to that story of the prodical son right you feel like you're the prodical son but then the older brother right he's mad and if you ever read Tim Keller he talks about God being the prodical God but he talks about the two brothers right the prodical son and then the older brother who's like the self-righteous individual right who feels like he's got everything under like that under control he deserves all these things like why didn't you throw a party for me and he's like the the father in the story is like you could have had any of this stuff but your brother's back like he was lost but now he's found right and I find that in our Christian Circle sometimes a lot of us are like the older brother oh man come on now that'll and as the older brother Jerry Bridges wrote this book called respectable sins we look at all these new Christians all these new people and we're like oh you still struggle with that but you don't look inside your eyes or your heart and look at all these other things that you have like gluttony or Pride or lust or like there's our stuff comes out in different ways right oh yeah well what happens is we learn to hide it we learn to put our suit and tie on and go to church on Sunday right and our sins become sins of the heart rather than the outward sins because we understand that lust lust is adultery that's what Jesus said if a man looks upon a woman with lust in his heart he has committed adultery and and we don't think that way we think oh well he didn't sleep with her okay yeah but did you think about it because then Jesus says that that's the same you know one thing you know pornography did was you know objectify women in my mind for a number of years and I had to overcome that and had to be very intentional about it I teach it to young men whenever I'm talking about lust and uh I teach it this way I basically tell them it's like when you're driving down the road and you see a Corvette if you see a Corvette it's no nothing wrong with looking at a Corvette and saying that's a beautiful car we can admire the creation we can look at and say that's a beautiful car the question is are you doing the Double Take yeah are you turning your head as the car goes around and you say oh man I'd really like to have that yeah see that there's where the sin the lust comes in and we have to recogn that and intentionally keep our eyes straightforward our ears and everything protected from these what some may call what was the word you used you just said it the name of the book justifiable respect yeah right respectable sins because if we're wearing sunglasses well nobody really sees our eyes so it doesn't hurt anyone and know it's in your heart and it'll come out yeah and you know what I have found me personally in this struggle right I have been free from pornography and masturbating for like over 15 years praise God for that right m but lust is something that we have to kill daily and yeah you know going to your analog on the double take sometimes a double take may not be instantaneously but when I lay down in bed do I start thinking about that person there you go right and it's like oh Lord like I did not realize that I was still holding that and I actually didn't put it to death in that moment I find many times we are just trying to manage our sin versus killing our sin I like that and to kill our sin I would anyone who's listening that had deals with that you've got to First label and identify it you can't confess something if you don't identify what it is and that's another thing with some of the generalized confession we have can we go to God and that God forgive me of my sins and I'm wondering if he ever sits back and goes okay sure which once because there's a list man and I just want to know like what are we are we on the same page here and so we have to identify what it is and call it out for what it is that's why it's good to have other men around us to be able to call us out and have that iron sharpens iron relationship say no no no that's lust that's adultery that's sinful confess it now repent and tell me how I can hold you accountable and help you through it but I think that's so important managing sin versus killing sin there's a message there somewhere yeah I think I mean John Owen he's an old Puritan talks about that killing sin uh or mortification of the flesh is is the mortification of sin is the way he talks about it um but as we think about your life Dustin right fast forward now you become a pastor lead Pastor you got your own thing going on now what were some past regrets that you had that you were just like man I wish if I could wave a magic wand I wouldn't have done these things in those positions that you're talking about as a pastor lead pastor and things or just or just overall yeah you know one of the greatest regrets I have is in regards to something I've already alluded to of just just not loving my wife the way she should have been loved our was very Rocky those first few years especially if we were drinking you know I specifically have a memory of one night I had Dr tequila and um after this night I didn't touch it anymore but we got into a pretty good altercation and um fortunately it wasn't anything too crazy she said something it set me off and it just wasn't a good night and I look back on that time and just think of how wasted it was when we could have been growing as a couple we could have been pursuing Jesus together and you know it's a regret but one thing can I'm very careful about is I try not to live with regret and what I mean by that it's not that I don't have things in my life that I have regretted but if I live with the regret of it then I allow it to continue beating me up and when Jes When God Says in his word if we confess our sins he's faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness if I believe that if I truly believe that then if I choose to hold sin past sin over my head I'm putting myself in the place of God and doing something he doesn't even do with me if I have confessed and repented I am forgiven and I have to live in the light of that forgiveness rather than in the light of that sin and whatever it might be uh and so yeah that that's my one of my biggest regrets of those early years and coming out of that is uh is just not loving my wife the way I should have because it again it led to a tumultuous five to seven years yeah man Dustin what you just said right there though is huge like for those people who are listening to this need to hear that again like rewind 30 seconds back because it's so interesting how much we put this weight of our sin on us when the Lord's like I've taken that on the cross you don't need to hold it against yourself anymore and we actually act as judge not him I I cannot tell you how I did that for years I was just like Lord forgive me and I came from a theological background that was like hey if you don't repent right now you're going to go to hell in the next 30s it was just crazy how I felt I was afraid and I was like I'm too shameful I'm unworthy I'm not good enough for God's grace and and I was just gonna say I just remember thinking back God had to wreck me of that because it was so damaging to the freedom that he wanted to give me and he's like oh I have to just believe that he's forgiven me and he sees me differently he doesn't even see my sin he's like like you're my child you're my son get up I put a robe on you right like that's it you know he he's dapping you up like we're good man just do go do your thing quit holding this just go you mentioned it there of accepting his forgiveness that's the easy think and I think that's what people are easy like oh yeah no God's forgiven me but do we forgive ourselves and that's where we find the regret can we forgive ourselves truthfully that's harder than trusting that God forgives you yeah and I want to say this anyone who's dealing with this it's probably because you want to hold yourself to a higher standard you believe you are better than the thing that you did or the thing that you went through you know I can't imagine what some people are going to be dealing with listening to a podcast like your can called Shameless and the various topics that you cover and I'm sure there's many out there that hold things over their heads and are really preventing themselves from being able to live in the freedom that Christ provides so I don't want to you know diminish what they could be feeling or going through but I do want to exalt Christ in the great amazing life that is on the other side of letting go on the other side of just saying hey I I own it I did it I'm not proud of it but I am forgiven and I'm going to live forgiven rather than living under the burden of my sin 100% man you know as you were talking about that I'm reminded of uh 2 Corinthians 7:10 and I want to pull it up I'm going to read the first verse but he says did I Just Lose It it here no no okay here goes he says in verse 10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to Salvation and leaves no regret but worldly sorrow brings death see what this Godly sorrow has produced in you what earnestness what eagerness to clear yourselves what indignation what alarm what longing what concern what Readiness to see Justice done at every point you have proved yourself to be innocent in this manner and I just I remember reading that and thinking to myself if repent true repentance leads to Salvation and no regrets it's like like I just had to remind myself that God's grace is going to be so sufficient for my problem that I'm even going to look back and say you know what that mess that I made he's going to redeem it yes and he's going to use it for something else so you're reading you're reading from Corinthians where Paul wrote to them we have to remember the Paul murdered people because they believed in Jesus that's what he lived with in his mind and in his heart some some theorize that The Thorn In the Flesh uh it was actually the the regret and guilt that he carried around of that of those murders that he was carrying out and you got okay we we read Paul we we see what he writes here uh now take take for a minute pre-s salvation Paul didn't change if you will God used used who Paul was he knew who Paul was going to be yeah he was still a galvanizer he was still someone who would lead he was still someone who would call people up and out to do what he believed was right at the time and at the time it was the murder of those who were following Jesus and now he's the one writing to the Corinthians and he says those powerful words there that Godly repentance leads to Salvation with no regrets yeah he had a lot of things he could have lived in regret with but instead chose to live in that freedom in Christ man that's good that is powerful stuff yeah so Dustin for you man as you turned the corner God started to redeem your life and you had these regrets with your marriage but you said you know what I'm going to take that mess and I'm going to make it into a message and that's part of men after God a little bit right so so walk us through what did God do in your heart that you all of a sudden said I want to start using this as a god-given mission to help other men not fall into the same trap I did you know when I became a lead Pastor after I'd been an assistant pastor for a number of years I guess the same thing was in my heart that I had for the Youth that I worked with I wanted to be the man I didn't have around I wanted to be the person that I believe I needed that would have helped me stay on a straight and narrow path would have set me up for life would have guided me towards the Lord and things and my marriage is something that has grown quite immensely and not perfect by any means but has grown so much and we have been through arguments we've been through studies we've been through various different things and I want to do the same thing for other guys young people people my age people older that are still living as roommates because it's unfortunately more common than we'd like to think oh 100% And so again that it it's just always been in my heart since I've been in Ministry to try to be the man I I wish I had before me and that was especially true I want to I want to have the marriage for other people to view and again not exalt put on a pe oh man they're perfect no but just to say like hey you know we've been through it we've learned some stuff let me share with you some things that we've learned and you can uh prayerfully avoid some of the pitfalls we had at the same time there's there's a there's a good aspect to not falling into the pit but Falling because they you got to learn to get back up together and and so you know I I try to try to remember that I'm a hard-headed guy and I learned by the School of Hard Knocks there's better ways to learn but sometimes it's the only way I learn and many other guys out there like that that that that's that's where we're at is men after God we're Men's Ministry development organization that produces content Community coaching and conferences to develop men who develop men so wives and children know what it means to be led by man after God in this generation in the next I I want to produce content like we just got done a uh 14-day devotional that's going to be out by the end of January uh where we are looking to increase intimacy physically emotionally and spiritually over a period of 14 days and just really help guys uh go through that with their wives and learn how to be a man after God and have a marriage after God yeah I love that man H as you think about right now men after God and what you're doing there are men right now who are listening to this and they're like I am roommates with my spouse and I have a lot of regrets of how I've led her what's like one good practical step that they can take right now to help them see one the grace of God and two walk uh in according to the gospel and the word of God sure so the first thing I would say is uh you're never too far from the grace of God you haven't done anything he can't forgive so whatever regrets you have however you've not LED it's fine in the sense that it will be fine confess it repent it own it and then go to your wife sit down with her and have a heart tohe heart take her out if you want have a cup of coffee take her to a dinner uh and just look at her and say hey I failed you yeah man this is go ahead and I was going to say and sometimes even when you say hey I failed you you might not even know the path forward yet but at least you're owning it now and saying I'm going to find a path and we're look I would plug men after God say like hey don't find a path by yourself yeah I appreciate that yeah go go find men after God like no seriously though like right like why start chart your own path you've done it you know it like and you got the resources for it yeah yeah you go to menaf god.net and connect with us or go to our Facebook group facebookgroup menaf God I'd love to talk to you more about this but that's it own it with your wife because the journey forward is not one you're going to alone it's one you're going to do with her and so she needs to be a part of it and then the ne the very next step talk together and ask this question if we were to change one thing in our weekly schedule or add one thing in our weekly schedule to improve our intimacy and I don't just mean your physical intimacy to improve the closeness you have that could be spiritual emotional mental physical just to improve your closeness what would that one thing be and you decide what it is and then determine for the next three weeks you're going to do that one thing you may try to do so much more and you may end up doing so much more but if you've not been doing it trying to do everything is probably going to overwhelm you so find one thing for instance spiritual intimacy can always be improved with prayer together you can uh do a devotion together on the Bible app and talk about it you could do it together if you'd like physical intimacy well that's improved by one way having physical intimacy emotional intimacy there are different apps out there uh that you can find where you can find emotionally intimate questions or guys if you really want to do it go to chat GPT and say give me 20 questions to increase emotional intimacy with my wife go and ask those questions and have a conversation uh so it's a physical spiritual um mental that's usually a conversation around your goals and your future and where you want to go different things of that nature and doing stuff together but find something one thing and just do it and it may be terrible that's okay pick something else and then try again but don't ever stop investing into your marriage yeah you know I I always tell people hey the first time you do anything it's going to be bad right you're not like this Savant or genius that all of a sudden it's like you're great at it everything we do is going to be pretty bad I remember dude I remember the first podcast I ever recorded way back when like this is years ago oh my gosh it was horrible you know my first message was an hour long and I insulted Billy Graham and I was preaching to like 18 people in a small church at on a Sunday afternoon after the morning service a potluck and a Christmas wrapping for Operation Christmas Child yeah that's that's a I have the one copy of that and it will never be released I'm going to get a hold of it and be like hey guys no I'm just kidding yeah right there you go get some reals out on that oh it was but but seriously guys I want to share a quick testimony I know you say use chat PT right with my wife I I told chat PT like here's all the stuff about my wife that I know now here's what I want you to do and because I wanted to grow emotional intimacy together my wife has huge words of affirmation I I can't affirm her enough okay um so but I was like man I got to figure out a way to automate the system of being able to encourage her a little bit more throughout the week so what I did was I went to chat gbt gave her all this information about my wife and I said hey can now that you know all this stuff can you give me 30 different texts I could send her for the next 30 days like every day this guy I love it right I'm just encouraging her and affirming her and it's a template right it's like and then I edited a little bit and I sended her but then it starts the conversation and then at the end of the night I just make sure I'm like hey did you get my text yeah okay awesome hey let me continue the affirmation process right like I saw what you did well today but dude it saves so much time guys I know sometimes we just have so much going on what Dustin was saying of like using an app or using chat B can save you a ton of time and guess what they will love it like you're just being intentional right with your marriage oh and that is so huge so huge you know the one one I've heard one argument against I'm GNA throw it back to you quick guys some of your wives may look at that as you're trying to get off easy you need to make sure she what she's okay with what she's not you don't want to hide and I'm sure like saying on podcast I really hope you've told her you chat for that okay great so be upfront and honest with them guys don't try to hide it but uh prayer freely she's going to see uh the intentionality and the effort that's put in that's something I've told some people before in in marriage counseling the wives say well he doesn't show me love how do you want to be loved well this way have you ever told him that well no he should just know like no no he shouldn't he's not a mind reader and yeah so just with that little caveat in there guys make sure you have the conversation and uh she's good with it and and some I will say some wives would probably not appreciate like you use chat PT to give me an encouraging word like well one I inputed a lot of the information so I just wanted it to brainstorm absolutely yes but two like that that's just one example right you could say hey date nights like figure out how to be more more date night figure out like spiritual intimacy all the stuff that Dustin just said you could throw it in there and just ask for advice so you're not doing it on yourself I cannot tell you how many times I said hey I want a date night and qu I'm looking for these types of questions and it just gave me a sounding board because sometimes guys we don't have a sounding you're not on your group thread be like hey guys do you have 10 questions that you could hook me up with for my date night right uh you probably don't want them if you got them anyway I know all the guys are going to ask questions absolutely chat GPT is more reliable yeah for sure my guy friends would just give me a hard time for a while and then they'll like oh yeah here's a question I forgot like two weeks after the date y yep oh man I love Dustin man you and I we could go on and on and on but I love how you been talking about hey you've had past regrets but this is how you're moving forward right like you know repent move forward trust in the grace of God there's not going to be any regrets but let's take actions and I love that practical step of like hey you know you did something own it but let's start having a conversation together and you're talking about physical intimacy emotional spiritual mental that's great man Dustin for those people who want to continue listening or Avail themselves of your resources what's the best way for them to get a hold of you yeah so follow us on Facebook facebookthe menaf good apple podcast Spotify we're on all the major podcasting platforms the men after God podcast and uh then yeah our Facebook group uh facebookgroup menaf God and uh we are doing some amazing work right now partnering with churches to develop men's Ministries we're also uh just started well we just say we just started for the last couple months we've been doing International work we have our work our materials being translated into Spanish utilizing AI technology we are able to increase the uh translation speed and so we're actually looking at Hindi and Korean as well as Portuguese within the next three months uh and that is our resource Library my book but coming to man after God available on Amazon and then any of the other stuff we're putting out as well we're just trying to impact men at a global scale because the uh need for men to step up and Lead as men after God is Not Just An American problem it's an international problem and we want to be able to be the go-to resource for Men's Ministry in the future yeah Dustin thank you so much man and thank you for listening to God in whatever he had placed in your heart and taking all the mess all the sin and saying I could still redeem that and use it for his god-given mission I love it man I know you and I are still going to stay connected and probably throw a bunch of memes at each other every once in a while yeah I'm praying for you man I'm hoping the best men who are listening to this I I'd urge you man just go check out uh Dustin stuff become a man right that's really after God's heart and I know sometimes it could be hard you can go to other places and it could feel shameful it could feel regretful like you're not doing enough step up we get that we've all heard that we don't want that but we want to know is like what's the path I think most men just never grew up having a path and that's what I really appreciate about you you're just so open you're like I was a backwoods Baptist I didn't have a path and I found it right and it might not be perfect but you're like follow me as I follow Christ I'm gonna try to get you guys there as best as possible man and that's what I appreciate about you no man thanks K appreciate that so men again go check out Dustin all those uh places where you can find them are going to be in the show notes and like always I tell you every single week remember focus on killing shame standing strong and being on Mission hope you guys have a great day and God bless thanks for joining us today if you found this episode helpful make sure to subscribe and leave a review remember killing shame isn't just about breaking free from the past it's about walking boldly into the future God has for you