Freedom Beyond Filters: The Root Approach to Overcoming Pornography

Transcript

welcome to the Shameless podcast where I help Christian men kill shame stand strong and live on Mission I'm your host Ken play and I'm bringing you real stories practical insights and biblical truths that equip you to break free from your sin shame and live a life of purpose let's step out of the Shadows together and Into the Light of Christ welcome back to another episode today we're diving into a groundbreaking conversation with cythia Sam he is the founder of a thriving addiction coaching practice and the host of The Man within podcast cyia challenges the conventional Reliance on internet filters which is a topic that we're going to talk about today when it comes to overcoming pornography recovery he's advocating for deeper rooted focused approach that addresses self-awareness trauma and identity so if you've ever struggled with shame or feel stuck in a cycle of behavior modification this episode I believe will offer you fresh insights and hope for lasting freedom in Christ so let's get into it cythia man thank you for being on the podcast how you doing today man it's an honor to be here man thanks for having me I'm doing great yeah I love it man I I remember when we first chatted about like hey what's an unpopular opinion you have when when it comes to helping people recover you were like oh easy you're like people need to stop using internet filters and I'm like oh we got to talk about this this is awesome you know you're just like breaking the mold but before we jump too deep into that man let's let uh the audience get to know you a little bit so tell us a fun childhood memory that you remember having so we get to know you a little bit better oh man I got I got a couple jues but I'll I'll give you uh I'll give you like a mid-grade one so I grew up in the '90s and back in the 90s there was this dance called the can can did did you do you remember this you remember learning about the can can I do remember the can do I remember how to do it it's a long time yeah yeah yeah yeah so my sister is six years older than me so I worship the ground that she walked on as a kid you know she could do no wrong and she was like Hey I learned this new dance called the can can do you want do you want to see it so she's teaching the can can there's like leg kicking and whatever like it's it's a whole thing and I'm learning I'm trying to figure it out and anyways my sister while she's teaching me the can can loses her balance falls back and knocks over my little brother my little brother's three years younger than me so she's about 10 years younger than my sister and my brother falls back hits the back of his head on the corner of the wall and split literally splits his head open like blood gushing everywhere had to be rushed to emergency Stitches the whole deal and that was the last time we ever did the can can in our home yeah oh oh that is awesome dude I can't tell you how many times I've had stories with my siblings of us just hurting ourselves cuz we trying something new yeah dude seriously like that's mid-grade but I could tell you about the time my brother got like popcorn seeds stuck in his ear we were taking like vacuum hoses to his ear trying to get it out gosh it was a whole thing like there's a there's a laundry list of just brutal sibling experiences that were mostly at the expense of my younger brother now that I think about it I've had the expense of all of them were at the expense of me okay dude I remember I was talking to my cousins the other day we were there for Thanksgiving and we were talking about how I when I was younger I totally forgot about this I would literally jump in front of cars I lived in New York City I would jump in front of cars and just get tapped and act like I was hurt just because they made me do it and I was just like oh yeah I'm G to do that and I'm like dang my my cousin was like man we could have hit the jackpot with insurance you know claim back then I'm like yeah I got now I got back lower back problems probably happened I was going to say you'd be down a couple limbs probably but exactly well Cynthia man before we go into your thought process and why we don't need internet filters and stuff like that man tell us a little bit about your journey with porn and addiction and how you started to overcome it yeah so nobody gets into this line of work usually without an experience of some kind so I'm not an exception in that regard I grew up in a pastor home went to Christian School Sunday school Superstar had you know everything lined up for me to do pretty well in life I even skipped a grade so academically was very brainy and I was exposed to pornography in the computer lab of my Christian School when I was 11 years old wow so that's where the Story begins I wasn't addicted overnight in fact I actually was prepubescent and very sheltered so I didn't really understand what I had seen I had I mean zil no exposure to anything like that prior and um it just play pled a seed and a couple months years later as I did start to hit puberty and develop more sexually I remembered and I went back to the site and it it kind of just became the entry point to a 15 yearlong struggle with porn and at the Crux of it I was a university researcher like I said very academic uh working really long days I was doing studies at that time as well and working part-time volunteering with children with autism worship teams at church and watching a lot of pornography at night before I went to bed just to get by and I think that was the Pinnacle of this is not a bad habit this is not a compulsion this is not some lingering sin issue rather in my life this is an actual addiction my I'm literally dependent on this just to get by and in University is also where I I found God and I made a commitment to Christ and I knew that with that decision having grown up in the church came a bunch of Lifestyle Changes I had to stop drinking on the weekends I needed to clean out my language obviously prioritize my relationship with God and I needed to stop watching pornography and the first three things on that list were more or less a breeze they didn't have an actual foothold in my heart but pornography did and that was the beginning of a five-year process of actually quitting porn I I did a lot of the things you shouldn't do I made a lot of mistakes there weren't great podcasts like yours out there back in the day to guide and resource people through this journey so I was really fumbling my way through it but I did eventually have my last relapse in February 2016 and I had a prayer in that 5-year recovery process which was God if you help me figure this out for myself I will do everything in my power to help other guys figure this out for themselves and uh just again another little seed that got planted had my last relap February 2016 and it was about two and a half years later end of December 2018 that I launched deep clean I felt that release from the Lord because I I had been clean for a year before and I had fallen back in so I really wanted to make sure that something was different but by that point I felt good about it launch deep clean and you know the rest is history we've served over 1500 men um we reached hundreds of thousands of people with our message every week now between our different platforms and uh we're just seeing this whole message of a Roots based approach which I know we're going to get into really starting to gain some Traction in the recovery world so it's been a lot of fun but a journey to get here nonetheless yeah in that in that five-year Journey how much shame did did you feel when you were like man I know I should be living this way you didn't feel like you were getting to that the shame was overwhelming because I was actually working as a pastor at the time so leading youth leading worship just seen as a spiritual leader and knowing that I was not walking the walk but I was definitely talking the talk that was the first layer of shame but that second layer of shame that you just touched on the I I'm trying my best I feel like I'm trying my best I'm doing what everyone tells you to do installing the filters and joining accountability groups and talking to my pastors about it and praying more white knuckling and asking the holy spirit for more self-control like I was doing all the things so if you do all the things that everybody tells you to do and you hear these stories that other people did them and they got free and then you don't get free the only thing you conclude is that something must be wrong with you like there something must be just fundamentally broken here so the shame was huge and that's why I'm very grateful I did eventually start to get more of the roots because that's where the D shaming start to take place to realize okay there's nothing wrong with me I just didn't have the solutions that I specifically needed to get the freedom I was after yeah you know I tell people all the time that all those other tools they're great for certain times but when it's a deeper issue you need a different set of tools you need a different set of resources or a way to apply those specifically to whatever's going on yes I know a lots of times when I was younger people were like would just read the Bible more just read scripture more and I'm like man I'm devouring the word of God as much as possible I'm trying to honor God and still I feel like something's wrong and it's because I didn't know how to allow the scriptures to really dig deep into the root issues that I was going through it to some extent I always got made it surface level so so for you man how did you start to see those root issues in your life well I I think I had to First acknowledge that there were root issues because anytime that subject matter came up it was about childhood trauma which I told myself I was more or less clean of it was you know somebody had a major sexual abuse story and like there just I didn't ever feel like my situation was that severe that I needed to do something intense like there was a bit of a disconnect there in my understanding of what the root issues were once I understood that root issues was actually just about building self-awareness um sure involves some trauma but trauma could be uh something relatively minor that still affected you once I understood that it was core belief systems that's when I started to realize okay those are things that I I definitely have in my life and I think that's what kind of caused me to Deep dive a bit more but I needed help I mean I I was not going to figure out that stuff on my own so I wound up in a program with some really good mentors really good guidance and they were the ones who helped me start to pick things apart a bit and actually narrow narrow down what these root issues were and I was really concerned that discovering the root issues was going to be I don't know I guess I was I was worried about how it was going to change my life like I was worried I was going to discover something and it was gonna completely taint my view of my childhood and all that kind of stuff you know I I had all these like irrational fears about it and actually discovering the roots was the most empowering experience of my recovery Journey it was so liberating just to stare those issues in the eyes and realize oh this is what I've been dealing with the whole time and now I know what it is now I know what the root issues are I think it was Abraham Lincoln who famously said if I had six hours to chop down a tree I'd spend the first five hours sharpening the axe and I just I wasn't spending enough time sharpening the axe actually getting Clarity on what the root issues were I was just swinging away hoping that one day the tree would fall down so it was really liberating to actually discover the roots okay so what were the roots for you when you started to get into it and being like Oh my gosh this is what's going on for me yeah three main things so the first is that I did actually have some trauma when I was a teenager I lost three friends to suicide and one friend was really close the other two a little bit more distant but friends nonetheless when I lost my close friend to Suicide I remember making this little decision in my heart so weird that we go through these things I was 14 years old and I said I'm not going to cry over this I will not cry that was like my thing for some reason I had this idea that if I could make it through and not cry that was a success that I was moving forward and I was grieving properly and whatever else when really it was the exact opposite so I think the first thing was I was very plugged up emotionally I had basically learned to suppress to neglect and to ignore that entire aspect of my being so building self-awareness that was the first real breakthrough at a root level of okay there's emotions that are driving my porn use like I actually watch pornography when I feel disconnected when I feel like I'm not good enough uh when I feel insecure you know starting to pinpoint these emotions and seen them as actually like gifts like they're they're intel if I feel this way and I can process it and resolve that emotion now it's not going to fester and Blossom into a relapse or a slip later on and so that was the huge breakthrough for me again something that I resisted for a long time feelings don't matter who cares about emotions you don't need them they're not helpful they come and they go and for me to just acknowledge actually their useful information that can leverage me in my recovery efforts that's really really helpful the second thing was more at a heart level and I would categorize this as trauma sometimes Ken trauma is not about what happens to you it's about what didn't happen to you and a discovery that I made this was with some professional help but a discovery I made was that my mom is an amazing woman you know very kind and loving her way of showing love was really um providing my felt needs so there's always food on the table and a shirt on my back and she was always around not a very affectionate person not very expressive with her her feelings towards me and so I sort of grew up with a little bit of this sense of neglect from my maternal figure and I knew my mom always loved me but not a lot of physical touch not a lot of words of affirmation not even really a lot of quality time so things that I was looking for as a child and not surprisingly those are my top Love Languages if you're into that at all Gary Chapman's framework oh yeah I love that yeah yeah really really helpful we actually it's part of our program um now but anyway realizing that my mom's lack of affection growing up actually drove me to seek female affection elsewhere in things like pornography was a revelation I had never even dawned on me before and that was probably my first experience where I realized okay this trauma thing is real and it's also not what I thought it was because that was trauma that was an experience that I hadn't been able to integrate and being able to work through that being able to forgive my mom just massive that was one of the few moments in my life where I actually felt like a Quantum Leap in recovery most of recovery is like you get a little bit better every day it's kind of 1% here 1% there that was like a 20% change pretty much instantaneously when I forgave my mom and then the third one is is was tackling limiting beliefs limiting beliefs or you know lies that I had been believing uh I was really wrapped up in a lot of performance thinking like I said I was very brainy I got a lot of attention from authority figures my parents included growing up because of my academic achievements so I just learned that as long as I achieve I'm lovable and I translated that even into my relationship with God it was all about how much I could do for him and all that and so that was something I had to grow in you know was realizing that actually God loves me regardless that my value is intrinsic it's set it's not based on my performance and it's one thing to say it's one thing to even maybe say I believe it it's another thing to actually experience it and for that to happen at a heart level and that's those are the three big shifters for me that got me to a place of full Freedom yeah well Cynthia man I you know what's fascinating about all these three and it's sad to also say this but a lot of these things were very normal and it's very normal for a lot of people to experience it today yeah where they're like hey I'm going to suppress my emotions or uh I had neglect from a parent even though your parents were trying their best they're like they were trying to be good parents the best they knew how it still happened and then just like limiting beliefs the performance one I I think for men especially dude we all struggle with that we want to feel like our love comes through our achievement yeah you know someone just told me this the other day they were saying like was it dogs and I think it was a Chris Rock uh joke or something like that but he said like something like dogs and women are the only ones who get unconditional love but men have to be the ones that have to earn it yeah you know and I was just like oh wow that's the belief that most men carry though yeah yeah and it gets ingrained to us at a very young age like because men are like we're naturally doers you know we like to accomplish we like to achieve we like to conquer we like to work with our hands we're just Bo tend to be more active more mobile so it it's sort of built in a little bit but I think it's why this whole concept is that much more revolutionary for guys when they can really grasp that their achievements are not attached to their affection or their value as a person that that's a really big deal that can really change a lot of guys lives and what I just laid out for you we call it the three pillars of recovery the eyes the building self- awareness the heart which is the trauma piece and then the mind when you have when you have a root level healing in all three of those areas man guys lives really really start to turn around man and that's where you would say when you do those things you actually don't need internet filters like in Internet blockers which that's they're good for some extent but not for long-term I would yeah I would agree I would say you know internet filters are kind of like training wheels on a bike so they can be really helpful they set up kind of a natural boundary depending on the kind of filter you use as well cuz something like Covenant I it's not blocking you from seeing the stuff it's just going to report things that you look at afterwards right so they all operate differently but the point is they're training wheels they kind of give you a chance to gain your balance and figure out how to kind of move the thing forward real Freedom should not require those kinds of boundaries and it doesn't mean that you can still have them we've had clients come through who just it's been there long enough that they're just going to keep it on and that's fine but I think real freedom is is you learn to ride that bike without the wheels so for me I did the filter thing it didn't work and I found my place to freedom without it and to this day I still do not use filters and I have no intent to ever use it and I think again whether you use filters or not I don't want people to get hung up on the wrong thing here you can have a filter it's just the filter is not going to save you it's the transformation of the heart that that's what's actually going to save you and lead to freedom and if having a filter helps you get through that process I think that's great but it's it's not the end goal the end goal is actually your heart changing yeah you know I I had found when working with guys they would relapse the moment that the internet filter wasn't around yeah exactly and they would be destroyed they're like what happened I was doing so good well honestly it's because they put their Hope on an internet filter and never actually did that deep work of transformation that needed to happen yes and then guys will say well I think I need a different filter I need something that's stronger I actually I I just I was doing a coaching call with my clients before we hopped on here and I I had a client asked that because he found a work around his filter and he was saying I think I need a new filter and I was like dude I I don't think this is the best return on your investment like if you're going to put time and energy and maybe even some money into something let's find something else that's gonna actually tackle things at more of a root level because a more Ironclad filter is actually just going to reinforce the same issues that you have right now yeah absolutely and by God's grace I remember doing all the Deep work in my heart uh it's been now like 15 years since I've had any type of filter come on thing like cuz I was just like I don't even need it now right and and now it's also become a habit it's just like oh why would I do that but I remember one of the things when it comes to and I love your pillars the three pillars of just like how Christ was able to redeem me in each one of those pillars so walk us through how do you bring God into the mix of each one of these pillars so I think God plays a role in all of them I I think before we even talk about that I would just say the one thing that people get wrong and when I say people I'm wrapping myself into that is we think that God is really angry at us about our sin and and sometimes recovery even of itself can become reinforcing of our limiting beliefs in our lives because we feel like we have to do recovery work really well so that God will be pleased with us and that he'll forgive us and have mercy on us and one of the things that I realize and I I just want to share this with your audience hopefully it's helpful for them is that God is more excited about your freedom than you oh that's so good God wants you free even more than you do so when we get embark on a recovery Journey a Roots based approach we're actually partnering with the heart of God we're not trying to twist his arm so that he throws us a favor and sets us free but we're actually partnering with his heart for us and he will Empower our efforts he takes your 100% And he makes it a thousand per.

and I think that is really evident when people do have a root space approach especially so when we're dealing with the eyes you know Jesus said in Matthew 5 in his famous Sermon on the Mount that even if you you look at a woman with lustful intent you've committed adultery in your heart and the point he was making there is it's not enough for you to just say like oh I didn't double take I didn't check out that girl I didn't watch pornography what he's actually asking is but what were your intents what is your relationship with other women like how do you view them are they objects to you that you just use for your own pleasure are you undressing them with your eyes are you fantasizing what's actually going on at a heart level I think when we talk about the eyes we're talking about the intent when you look what do you actually see not phys physically but what's the intent what's the desire going on in unseen realm and I think that's where everything starts you know Proverbs 4:23 says guard your heart above all else for from it flow the issues of life so this idea that you kind of need to get preemptive the heart you know there is like the Hebrew word leap which is like the seat of thought the seat of emotion it's where those inner things sit we have to gain an awareness of those first one more example scripturally Philippians 4 talks about the peace of God you know like cast your cares upon Him with Thanksgiving and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and Minds so there's this sort of Guardian component that self-awareness is all about that I think is incredibly biblical and really is the first step this is how you nip things in the bud the heart component what I was just talking about healing from trauma and all that very much tied into the things we just mentioned guarding your heart healing your heart if you have this Perpetual sin in your life it there's a really good chance that there are some trauma pieces happening at a heart level that might need to be addressed and one modality we're very fond of in our coaching practice is called inner child work and there's a clinical approach to inner child work but we have sort of tailored it where it's not the resolve of inner child work is where the little boy who was exposed to pornography and didn't know what to do that boy in that moment you know clinically you would you would like reparent yourself or you would speak to that boy but uh from a faith-based perspective what we do is we actually invite the Holy Spirit into these memor these core memories and give him a chance to speak love to say like God what were you doing and often it's God God's protecting us God's guiding us God's leading us out of there and so God shows up in some really powerful ways in those sessions when we're doing the deeper Heart level kind of healing it's amazing and things can change very quickly I I find that some of the clinical methods they take a long time and people tell you there's a process and that's because they're doing it all in their own strength but when you involve the holy spirit in that process things can happen very quickly and then the third piece you know the identity piece I think is as scriptural as it gets we all know that we're transformed by the renewing of our minds that we are to take our thoughts captive and I think learning to walk in truth is really the epitome of all transformation you know like it's written in John 8 like whom the sun sets free is free indeed and more specifically it is the truth that sets you free and so I think when we step into truth when we dismantle the lies that the enemies trying to get us to believe and we step into the truth that God's actually speaking about us that's where we start to break out of this addiction history this addiction identity uh and break into something new something a new identity a new creation and becoming the person that God's made us to be bro you just did like a master class in about seven minutes well there was so much to unpack there and we don't have the time to unpack all of it but I want to grab a couple parts that you said that I think are really important before you went through the pillars you talked about just how much God wants freedom for you and he's like excited about it as he were saying that I was reminded of Romans 5'8 where he says while yet we were still sinners Christ died for us this is how he showed his love for us and I always find myself especially in my journey at the beginning of it I remember thinking to myself I have to earn God's love right and I remember being in a car with a friend of mine and I feels like I was like I just I'm struggling so much to try to overcome this sin I don't feel like God loves me enough and he was like well Ken he's already shown you the greatest love and I'm like what are you talking about he's like why you were still a sinner that means when you were at your worst when you hated God when you didn't love God at all that's when he died for you don't you think now that you love him and you want to try that he loves you even more like there's no cap right like he just like he's unconditionally going to love you and I remember when he said that to me it was like the chains kind of what you were just talking about the truth sets you free broken and I for the first time realized how much God unconditionally loves me wow and that even now in my struggle and in my pain and you know this is 15 years of my recovery I still have other sin issues that I'm trying to overcome and I still have a Brokenness that I'm so overcome God is so excited for me right now and he loves me the way he loved me when I was a sinner he loves me now and I'm just so like the it's almost Inc comprehensible to think about his love and his grace for me but that propels me that gives me the energy to say I want to keep fighting so how do you I say all that to ask you man when you talk to guys it's really hard for them to think about love the way we've experienced it or emotions the way you and I have probably experienced it because culture tells us love is a certain way and that we as men shouldn't deal with emotions right we got to stuff it and be tough how do you help men to truly like break free from those lies and say no no having emotions is great and being loved is something that you actually need so I I mean if we're going to get practical which would be my preference yeah yeah we are big Believers in journaling and I feel like journaling kind of answers all those questions you asked in one if you're building self-awareness you're working through trauma or you're trying to uproot some lies and really walk in the truth we found journaling to be really helpful now we have have a little bit of a unique journaling method which is it was two parts primarily which is one is to express and that is where we will give guys uh we call it the feelings wheel because I this is I needed a tool to actually label emotions I literally didn't have the language other than I feel good I feel happy and I feel bad like I I was so inept so we give guys a tool we in that expression part is where they kind of build that skill of labeling emotions and defining their thoughts and all that stuff but it's the second part of journaling that is so critical and so valuable in our deep clean system and that is to reflect so the first part is expression you're learning to just articulate what's going on within kind of building that self-awareness that first pillar and then the second part is reflection where you actually put the pen down and you listen for God to talk you listen to that still Small Voice and I think this is where real transformation happens it's an actively building that Dynamic relationship with God I think a lot of people they get the message conceptually that Christianity is not a religion it's not about religion it's about relationship but I think practically sometimes it still looks like people just have a list of things that they do and they check them off on their list but I think an actual fluid relationship has really good communication and very consistent and steady communication and I think journaling for us has just been one of the best ways that we can unlock this in guys where they're tapping into their inner world they're able to process things and they're able to connect with God and hear from God over it and the cool thing is from when somebody will start this system with us and they just learn journaling and they're maybe fumbling their way through it to the end where they're proficient and they can work through things pretty quickly and they've built up a little bit of a history if you will of journaling with God is their connection with him is at a completely different level and you and I know very well that you could maybe get free on your own maybe but if you really want to walk in Freedom long term it's got to be arm in- arm you got to link arms with other guys there has to be other people involved and that's because all the research with suggest and you don't have to look far in scripture to find this either the opposite of addiction is not sobriety it's connection and while that connection Lally brother to brother is so important that connection vertically with God is just as important if not more important and so journaling just accomplishes all of that it allows you to go through the system it allows you to involve God in the process and by building that connection with him your heart is literally becoming more satisfied in him more full in him and as we like to say in our community A Satisfied heart rarely wanders uh and so it's a beautiful thing I think and for me journaling is the the critical component of all of it yeah man I remember when I started journaling I'm gonna be honest with you I thought it was heck of weird I was like I don't Journal I'm like this is a woman's thing yes but I remember when I started journaling the same thing happened and I had a a counselor who was like hey just listen to the Holy Spirit see what he wants to say to you about these things and whatever you hear write it down so I remember just looking through my journals and especially when I felt like I was struggling I would just go back to my journal and see all the things that I felt like God was speaking to me about and just being like Oh my gosh in this small process like it says in in second Corinthians like you go from one degree to another to Eternal I just remember thinking man God you've been doing so much already and it it kept me like you said my heart was full it kept me from wandering so for guys I say all that as an encouragement that like if you don't journal and especially during this process go grab a journal and start writing it down I think what cyia just said all those different um tools and practical questions to ask yourself are huge as we wrap up cyia for you what are some other practical ways that men can start to go into the Journey of recovery yeah journaling is always the top of the list and the main reason is because you can Journal alone so some guys listening just might not be ready to reach out to talk to other people and you can start journaling today nobody has to know it can cost you a buck and you're on your way I think beyond that eventually good recovery Journeys always involve other people and it doesn't have to be a lot of people you don't have to be public facing like Ken and I are with our stories that's not really the goal but you do need to involve at least a couple more people and what I always ask guys is who's the one person that you could tell something to and you're pretty sure they won't judge you that's probably the person you need to start talking to about what's going on when you feel ready to do so and I think the last piece in what you usually clinches it and this is present in all the success stories I've heard in my own community and in the other communities that we've maybe partnered with and that sort of thing there's always a communal element there's at least a small group of guys or a larger Community there's tons of options available for you these days to plug in and to just realize you're not the only person struggling you're not the only person going through it and there's probably things about your situation that feel unique like yeah but my wife isn't talking to me about it and whatever and I guarantee you if you find a community you'll find that there's other people going through your story or similar stories but there's also people who have figured it out maybe they're a step or two ahead and that's the incredible thing about community and you know obviously this has been a scripture heavy kind of interview um and I think to close it I would say 1 Corinthians 15:33 says that bad company corrupts good character and so there's a really good insight into that little scripture there which is that you can develop all the right character and figure it all out on your own and you could still lose progress if you're not around the right people and so plugging into Community is just it's a great fail safe in the recovery process um take your time take your time finding the right people but those would be some of the Practical things I'd be thinking about yeah uh Cynthia for some guys they might be like man I've been trying to find Community I've been trying to find a group of people and it's been hard for them um welcome through a little bit of your community and what you do because that might be a place that they might want to come check out yeah well I I appreciate the setup but I I'll take a step back and I'll just say I think the most important thing like we're in the content age so I would just find content that you like find content from people that you trust because all the research would suggest that if you trust somebody you're much more likely to get a good outcome from whatever service or product or offering they may have so I would start there so if you want to check our stuff out we're very active on Instagram and I have a podcast called The Man within those are good places to start on our front and you can see and if you don't like our stuff or it doesn't resonate that's no problem there's lots of other content creators out there who will have services and offerings but chances are if you like the content and you trust them you'll like their Community as well so I would be starting on the content front and then I would see where that takes you yeah that's great man and that's why I I always want to have as many of you guys on the podcast because it's like the way you communicate certain things might be different or yes just your personality excuse me is more trusting for other people right so that's super important for men I I love how you said that and I'll tell you right because I know sometimes it's hard for other guys to be like self-promoting I I've gotten to know Cy I've been following him for a while man I love the stuff that you are posting and the content that you are creating it's why I was like hey man let's get you on the podcast because you are trying to get to the Dee root issues for men and I love that right because there's a lot of stuff out there that is just behavior modification yeah and kind of what you were saying earlier maybe you could do it with your own effort and I've talked to guys that are like oh I did this on my own strength that's cool but guess what now you've just switched from lust and habitual sin that way to Pride right and now you're just in the self-performance wheel you just don't know it it's in a different direction and now that needs to get broken so I I just love what you're doing man overall and how you're helping guys so for those who are listening if you're like man I love what cythia is doing I would encourage you go check them out on Instagram go check out his podcast and reach out to him if you need help thanks so much man thanks for having me yeah man absolutely cynia any final words that you want to share with guys as we end our conversation here yeah you know the last thing I would say while we're kind of on the subject of content and looking at content online and all that is I think we've been sold a lie that knowledge is power and I I really don't believe that I think knowledge is potential and real power is knowledge with action I would challenge people who are listening to this podcast make sure when you listen to these interviews that Ken's doing that you're acting just take a step try something it doesn't have to be a huge action or a huge step but take an action and that's where the real learning comes what is the scripture in James that faith without works is dead right and so I think if we're not acting on the stuff that we're learning we're really doing ourselves a disservice U but I'd like to suggest you that if faith without works is dead Faith with works is deadly and you'll be amazed at how God will multiply your efforts if you do them in Earnest and really believing him for that outcome so take an action today and uh see what God does with it yeah that's awesome and we'll end it there and for those of you that one action may be go get a journal just go buy one on Amazon and make it happen cynia man thank you so much for being here I appreciate it I appreciate all the work you're doing one of the thing that gets me excited is when I hear that men are being free from this sin they are now being able to see their potential of what God has called them to do and uh you know earlier you said you've helped over 1500 men and I don't think that's just 1500 men that's 1500 families that's 1500 legacies that's children that's societies that's people that all of a sudden are being transformed because one guy decided hey I'm going to take my story and put it out there and start helping people and that story was yours and now you're helping 1500 other guys find Freedom I love that man and just the ripple effect that where you are contributing to society and we're trying to do you and I both of like helping men overcome this is how we change the world yeah and so guys if you're listening to this man don't stay trapped in the shame the sin the Brokenness that you're in there's actually beautiful glory on the other side when you decide to go pursue recovery well said man well said and yeah we we have this little tagline in our community which is change the man change the world is literally exactly what you just said because we know like we're not really in the business of helping guys quit porn we're in the business of of guys becoming everything that God's made them to be and we just know that they need to quit porn to do that so you you hit the nail on the head and yeah and that's why I love what you're doing too man I think this podcast is g to is going to bless a lot and a lot of people because we just know that when the man gets better the world gets better I love it Cynthia thanks again for being on the podcast and hope to see you in person one day you should come to Nashville Tennessee and come hang out with me man let's do it man let's do it thanks for having me Ken all right uh for all of you men thank you guys for listening uh and again follow cyia he's a great man great stuff that he's putting out and remember every single day I say this on the podcast stay focused on killing shame standing strong and Beyond Mission hope you guys have a great day and God bless thanks for joining us today if you found this episode helpful make sure to subscribe and leave a review remember killing shame isn't just about breaking free from the past it's about walking boldly into the future God has for you