Becoming a Godly Sexual Man: What the Church Never Taught You

What if everything you thought you knew about sexual purity missed the bigger picture?

In this powerful episode of the shame(less) podcast, Ken Freire sits down with therapist and author Sam Jolman, who wrote The Sex Talk You Never Got, to explore what it truly means to become a godly sexual man. They unpack how the church’s teaching on purity culture, while well-meaning, often left men with more shame than freedom—and why it’s time for a better conversation about sexuality, desire, and the body.

Together, they dive into:

The difference between lust and arousal
How to honor your God-given sexual design without guilt
What healthy masculinity looks like in the context of Scripture
Why desire is not the enemy—and how to reorient it toward worship
How emotional dysregulation masquerades as sexual need
Why Jesus was the most sensual man who ever lived—and still sinless

Whether you’re married, single, or in recovery from sexual addiction, this episode will help you begin reclaiming your sexual story from a place of freedom, delight, and holiness.

🧠 Key Topics Covered:

Why purity culture often led to shame and confusion
Arousal vs. lust: understanding the difference
The role of beauty, play, and pleasure in spiritual formation
How Jesus modeled healthy sensuality
Rewriting the narrative: what it means to be a godly sexual man
The spiritual power of being fully present with your body
Turning the tables on shame through God’s kindness

📘 About Sam Jolman:

Sam Jolman is a therapist, counselor, and the author of The Sex Talk You Never Got. He’s spent years helping men heal from shame, understand their sexual design, and live as whole, integrated, godly men. Sam writes regularly about faith, masculinity, and sexuality on Substack, and offers resources and workshops through his website.

👉 Get the Book + Free Paperback: https://samjolman.com

🔗 Resources & Links:

Sam Jolman’s Website: https://samjolman.com
Join His Substack Community: https://samjolman.substack.com
Buy the Book: The Sex Talk You Never Got – Available wherever books are sold
Follow Sam on Instagram: @samjolman

🧵 Timestamps:

00:03 – The problem with how the church teaches purity
02:00 – Why “Am I sinning?” is not a deep enough question
05:00 – How purity culture mishandled the male body
13:00 – Arousal vs. lust: a biblical and scientific breakdown
20:00 – Why sex is often misused as emotional regulation
26:00 – What it means to be a good sexual man
32:00 – Jesus, sensuality, and the power of beauty
39:00 – Why play is essential for sexual wholeness
43:00 – Final encouragement: Turn the tables on shame

🧠 Key Topics Covered:

📘 About Sam Jolman:

🔗 Resources & Links:

🧵 Timestamps:

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